Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Kailei Cont'd

Farm life was good for our family. My father woke up for early mornings with my brothers, and soon after my mother got up with me and my sisters. We would bake and fry up our breakfast while the men did the early morning chores that needed to be done, then they would all come in and we would sit down as a family together. My father was at the head of the table with my mother on his right. On his left sat Dierdan, Aideen sat beside him, and I by her. Beside my mother sat Eryn and Naomh, with Faelan at the end of the table. Breakfast was usually quiet, except for this morning my father spoke in hushed tones to my mother. His usually serene eyes were filled with concern and worry, my mother's face was the picture of calmness and confidence. From the far corner of the table I could only hear snatches of the conversation.
"Coming-"
"Don't know I'm here-"
"What about-?"
"Long time ago-"
I looked up to see if Dierdan or Aideen were listening to see them staring into their food slowly eating with a concentrated and confused look on their faces. They were listening. I decided that I would ask one of them about it later.
The rest of the morning went on as usual, with no talk of anything strange. Right after breakfast Aideen made mother sit down with a cup of tea and cleared the table with Eryn. Naomh started to sweep up the dining area as I sat down beside my mother. I looked up at her and saw her mulberry eyes staring off into the distance. Worry etched a small crease into her brow, and her lips were slightly pressed together, then separated as she let out a small sigh. Her eyes glanced down to me and her face softened a bit.
She got up slowly, and put her un-touched cup of tea back onto the table. She took my small hand into her delicate one and led me towards the door. "I shall be out for a short walk with Kailei, Aideen. I think some fresh air would do me good." Aideen just looked up from her task and acknowledged her with a slight nod of her head. There was still slight traces of the morning dew on the green grass as we walked over it towards the old oak tree. My mother sat down on the bench and I faced her expectantly. "Some things are inherited through their parents, others are not. And then there are some things that will skip a generation or two before a descendant inherits. I had hoped..." her voice trailed away for a moment. A small sigh escaped her lips before she continued, "I had hoped my daughter would not grow to be so beautiful. Do not be ashamed of what you are. People cannot understand that there is good in a tainted race. Those who will trust you will be few." She took me into a hug and silently weeped. We stood there for a while like that. I tried to comfort her, not knowing what was wrong. I heard her whisper softly, "I'm sorry..." She let go of the embrace and took my hand again, silent as ever I walked with her the short distance across the grass towards our humble home.

-edited dec 12 '08-

5 comments:

Brittany Bakker said...

I'm in a sticky spot sometimes, I feel as though the conversation that her mother spoke with her is somehow fake and it doesn't sound right... and yet I had to have her speak it.

Jade Blackwater said...

"hmmm...I dont really think it sounded fake at all!"
nice work!

Heidi said...

This is excellent!

Hmm... I don't think it sounds really fake.

There are some really good lines (in the part where the Mother is talking) but maybe what would help is to kind of pick those out and condense the rest around it.

some of the bits that stand out:

-I had hoped you would not be so beautiful
-trouble it will cause
-no matter what do not be ashamed of who you are.
-people will never understand you, and those who trust you will be few.
-I'm sorry.

The best thing is when you can make your reader gather what she means rather than laying it all out exactly before them. And you can afford to leave out some of the specifics because you've set the scene with the bit about her parents romance and the dislike of her mother because she was a faerie.

Just some ideas! This is really amazing. I am super excited to read it all. :-)

You will have to autograph a copy for me. :-)

Brittany Bakker said...

Thanks for the advice Heidi :-)
I love your idea's. When I edit I'll just edit it right on here instead of adding new posts...

Heidi said...

hey I like this better!

one word of advice.. I'd take out the "honey"

otherwise it's awesome!